Class Prophecy
Ladies and gentlemen, invited guests, Graduates:
I was asked by the Class of 2001 way back in September (when they were really desperate for ideas for this program)
to supply the speech which is traditionally called the Class Prophecy. I don't remember agreeing to do it, … but they convinced me that I must have, because Andrew wrote it down. He never wrote any notes in Math class, but this he wrote down!
I thought a lot about what I would say here tonight. Right away, I knew I couldn't do a funny Class Prophecy.
You know what that is … it's where somebody makes up funny things about what the Grads are going to be doing in 10 years.
Like, for instance, … Jaycee is still going to be sitting in the exam room finishing her diploma exams.
Or, in 10 years, Cara will finally have an answer to the age-old question, "If a cow laughs, would milk come out her nose?".
Or perhaps, I might make the prediction that in 10 years, Daniel will want to get into cattle farming.
But he'll have some difficulty deciding on a name for his ranch … he wants to call it the Bar-D, but his mother likes The Lazy R. His sisters suggest The Suzy-Q and The Flying W.
Since Daniel always has a hard time making up his mind, he'll decide to call his ranch The Bar-D Lazy R Suzy Q Flying W Ranch. Unfortunately, he won't have any cattle.
None of them will survive the branding.
I could also mention that the only reason Jennifer came to the Hypnotist Show in the fall was because she thought Marc Savard was a famous Bull Rider.
After much thought, I decided I couldn't do jokes like that, because I might hurt someone's feelings. Especially Lance, who is very sensitive, and is always breaking down in tears.
However, I sort of figured I should make some sort of attempt at humour, since that's what the Grads were expecting. My daughter Jesse, who's just finished her first year at Augustana College, where she was living in the college residence and eating all her meals at the cafeteria, offered to help.
She sent me a Top Ten List …
The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Eat College Cafeteria Food:
- The clam chowder's served in same bucket the janitor soaks his mop in
- A whole bunch of white lab mice disappeared from the science building, and for weeks they were serving albino pot pies
- The "cole slaw" is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings
- That "Rice Krispies" sound is coming from the pats of butter
- You eat something that doesn't taste too bad, … and then realize it's the styrofoam tray
- You see the lunch lady straining spaghetti through her hairnet
- One in every 50 chicken nuggets has a pink, cord-like tail
That's only seven reasons. But I think you get the idea.
Anyway, I thought about it some more, and decided that I didn't want to get up here and make a fool of myself without being able to take this opportunity to say something real about the Class of 2001. Last year when I gave a toast to the Class of 2000, I said some nice things about that class. (By the way, if there are any members of last year's class in the audience … I just made those things up)
Seriously, they were a great group of people. As is this year's class. I wouldn't have agreed to speak here tonight unless I could say something about their contribution to Worsley School.
I've been here for quite a few years, and I do not remember a class of students like this one.
No class has ever had so many academically excellent students … students who choose the difficult courses because they are capable of doing the work, and who do it, … because they care about learning. Not just about finishing the homework as quickly as possible, …but about understanding it and getting it right.
I do not remember a class where so many of the students … indeed, where ALL of them … are genuinely nice people … who will make fine community members wherever they choose to live. They have shown a sense of responsibility over their years here at Worsley School, through their involvement in school activities, sports, student government, and other school functions, that is remarkable.
They were involved, … they cared … and they made our school a better place to be.
The Class of 2001 will be missed.
Thank You.
|
Back
|