What Is an Adult?    What is an adult? Never mind what the law says … what does it mean to behave and act like one? How would someone recognize you as an adult … to be considered an adult by others in the community?    Let's list some things that DON'T make you an adult. Age Being 18 years old, or older, except in the eyes of the law, does not automatically make you an adult. I have known grade 7 students who functioned as adults in almost every way. I also know thirty year olds who haven't figured it out yet. Doing Stuff Being old enough to vote, or buy alcohol, or have sex, or drive a vehicle, or hold a job … none of these make you an adult. Same reason. Parenthood Becoming a parent does not make you an adult. Indeed, many people become parents before they are functioning adults … and end up becoming non-functional parents.    So if all of these aren't characteristics of adulthood, what exactly do I mean when I use the word 'adult'? Here's my definition. It's a multi-part definition … they're the best kind! An adult takes ownership and responsibility for his own actions When a job needs doing, this person does it, without complaint, to the best of his or her ability. If things go wrong the person does not blame others, but accepts responsibility for the problem An adult has the ability to listen to and evaluate the viewpoints of others. This person recognizes that other people have opinions too, and that his or her actions can have an effect on others An adult accepts the fact that he or she won't always come out on top, and doesn't whine when things don't go the right way An adult is able to differentiate between rational decision making and emotional impulse An adult is capable of managing temper and anger most of the time An adult recognizes that expected behaviour can change depending on location or circumstances An adult keeps other peoples' feelings in mind when speaking or acting An adult is able to distinguish between 'needs' and 'wants', again, most of the time An adult often puts the happiness and success of others before his own An adult usually has empathy. An adult is aware of, and sensitive to, the feelings, thoughts and needs of others around them    Here's how to recognize someone who isn't yet an adult, regardless of their age: Their most important need is self-gratification. Everything they do is for their own fun, amusement or relaxation, without regard to what others want. Someone like this makes for a very poor husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or parent When something doesn't go right, they immediately blame others or circumstances. It's never ever their fault When work needs doing, they disappear, don't show up, or let others do it In discussions or arguments, this person never actually listens to what the other person is saying; they are just waiting for their chance to jump in and give their opinion When they want something, they buy it. Now As a parent, a non-adult will put his or her wants, desires and happiness before that of the children. 'Non-adult' women are the ones who smoke and drink while pregnant People who can't function as an adult often settle arguments or disputes with threats of violence, or actual violence People who can't function as adults often use alcohol or drugs to deal with their problems    We all behave this way once in a while. Non-adults are like this all the time. Here's a checklist to see if you really might be an adult after all: 1. If someone calls a former employer of yours and asks for a reference, the employer will say good things about your work ethic and dependability. These are things employers care about. 2. If a potential employer calls one of your former teachers as a reference check, the teacher will say good things about you. Not about your marks … but about how you were always on time for class, weren't absent a lot, and worked hard. These are things employers care about. 3. When things need putting away, you always help, without being asked.    If you spend a lot of time in schools, you may have noticed something when walking down the hall. Little kids don't get out of the way. They are the center of their own universe, and while not necessary oblivious to you, will expect you to get out of their way. This behaviour usually disappears some time during Jr. High, as kids realize that there really are other people around them. But some still don't get it. Back | Teaching | Main Site