These beginnings of stories have been floating around the internet for years, and are apparently the work of real authors who were submitting novels for publishing. They actually won an award for being the most awful introductions ever written, and Penguin Books publish collections of them. Anonymously, of course. We thought it would be fun to show you these silly pieces of writing, so that you can learn what's really bad, ... and hopefully make your own writing a little less .... well, you'll see ... "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber, he would never hear the end of it."      (I actually wish I'd written that!) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."      (But didn't you just ...) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon - to become the woman he loved."    (I get it!) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."     (Yuk!) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear', a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death - in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies." "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."       (Okayyy.....) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: 'Andre creep . . . Andre creep . . .Andre creep'" "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." Like on many pages on our original Worsley School site, I often asked for feedback from the tens of thousands of visitors we got each week. View some of the bad story openers I received. Main Page