CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON


Choose one or more. Some items will incur a weight penalty.

  .85 Caliber Handgun
With 130,000 rounds of armor-piercing magnum bullets. Not for the faint of heart.

  Double-barreled 8-gauge pump-action automatic shotgun
With a 500 round magazine. Shells contain spent uranium pellets.

  Portable one-man nuclear-tipped antipersonnel missile launcher
Enough said! Arnold would be proud!

  Backpack sonic generator
Beams 180 decibels of agonizingly loud sound to incapacitate the enemy. Arsenal includes plenty of Taylor Swift and Metallica tracks.

  Specially coated nonreflective stealth paper
Chew some in a hurry and send off a torrent of spitballs.

  High res full colour photo of Justin Trudeau in a tank top and shorts
Hold it up when the terrorists approach. No real man can stand to look at this photo for more than 5 seconds without turning away in horror.


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